JMC
JMC
I am not a woman with a large, thriving or active friend group or "tribe" as it may be. For one, I've always been very selective and discerning with the people in my life, in favor or quality versus quantity. Second, since the scourge of the pandemic and shifting to a completely remote work environment (permanently), my social circles have vastly dwindled as I've lived a more isolated lifestyle. I'm not saying either of those are good or bad, but it was only fairly recently where a name was put to the types of friendships that I richly love and value... inter-generational friendship.
I mean, I realized quite long ago that the age ranges of my friendships were fairly broad and that I tended to not really "see" or "feel" vast differences in age in my friends. As life would have it, I wouldn't come to appreciate the impact of those relationships until hardships entered my life and I found the people who rallied to my side were women who had 10 or more years on me.
When a kaleidoscope of things crashed down on me several years back, including extreme financial strain, severe marriage issues, career setbacks and more, one of my closest IG friends was more than there for me. We exchanged tears and stories and I felt more encouraged by her in those months than I had by anyone in a long time. She had walked some of those roads and didn't offer solutions or "you should" statements, but just listened and loved me in the darkness of those days.
There is something so precious with a friendship like that. I'm not discounting peer friendships because there is something important about being in the thick of the same things with people and just being able to relate right in the moment. But IG friendships offer so much more perspective, life experience, connection, and unconditional support. IG friends don't keep score of how often you talk to them (or not talk to them), what you do for each other or how available you are or aren't. But I can almost guarantee, when the need comes, an IG friend will be there at the drop of a hat. IG friends don't just fire off a quick text or rely on technology to nourish relationships... they show up at your door, they buy you thoughtful gifts and do things for you that reflect that they truly listen to you and value you, they don't have the time or heart for gossip, but most importantly they are 100% there when everything falls apart.
This was brutally true when my dad passed away after his long battle with Alzheimer's disease. His death was anticipated, eventually of course, but still came as a crushing shock when it came quicker than expected. I felt completely gutted and was barely functioning in the days that followed. One of my closest IG friends sat at my side to help gather photos and music for the slideshow for his services, listening to my stories about him, allowing me to cry and feel, and giving the gentle whisper of support that I needed. I will never forget that. Yet, somehow I was still shocked that the women that surrounded me at his service, and in the days following, were my IG friends. It was a beautiful experience... cutting through the brutal pain, was the knowledge that I was known and loved by these women.
I'm so grateful that I'm encircled by that kind of love and support. I can only hope that someday I can be that for someone else. Hope that my life experiences, my joys and pains, triumphs and sorrows will help me love others the way that they need to be loved. We are a society starving for love and connection. We need each other.